I recently had one of the most unexpectedly wholesome experiences of my life: after hooking up with a guy in a gay sauna, we ended up standing in the shower singing musical theatre songs together. The experience left me questioning many of the assumptions I’d carried about saunas, bathhouses, and queer sexual spaces. Why did I feel so much shame walking into a sauna in the first place? Where did that shame come from? And why have so many of us inherited the belief that spaces created by gay men for pleasure and connection are somehow less respectable than other forms of community?

In this episode, I explore the history of gay bathhouses, the role queer spaces have played in helping LGBTQ people find each other, and the ways sexuality, friendship, intimacy, and belonging often overlap in queer culture. We talk about chosen family, minority stress, internalized shame, and why physical queer spaces still matter in the age of dating apps. Most of all, this episode is an invitation to question the stories we’ve been told about gay community, and the shame we may still be carrying because of them.

Here’s a glimpse of what you’ll learn in this episode:

• Why gay bathhouses and saunas have historically been about more than sex
• How queer communities developed different relationship and friendship structures from heterosexual culture
• The surprising role bathhouses played in LGBTQ history and community building
• What the concept of “chosen family” reveals about queer belonging
• How minority stress and internalized stigma continue to shape gay men’s experiences today
• Why physical queer spaces still offer something dating apps cannot
• Where feelings of shame around sex, pleasure, and queer spaces often come from
• How to distinguish between your personal preferences and inherited cultural judgments
• Why community, friendship, and intimacy can emerge in unexpected places

Click here to listen to the episode and learn more about Gay Saunas.

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