Do You Idolise Your Partner?

When you free yourself from the ego's illusory idol projections, you will be liberated from the incessant need to please people in order to feel worthy, and you will instead bask in your truth and authenticity knowing that you are beautiful and worthy just the way you are.

The ego is the illusory but inevitable part of the human condition that believes in separation. Even though our unconditioned, higher-self knows that we are all part of a single source of love, energy and consciousness that is God, our incarnation into these physical bodies demanded that we are, to some extent, separated from each other into clumps of flesh and bones. As a result, the ego was created to uphold this separateness by fostering our unique characters and personalities as we move through life. However, there is a thin line between developing the necessary hardware (our bodies) and software (our personalities) to successfully co-create in the game of life, and allowing these qualities to completely redefine who we really are. When we give too much attention to nurturing, developing and living through our ego-“self”, we eventually forget and dissipate from our true identity of Oneness and love, and transition into a world of separation that is based on judgment and thrives on fear.

Our perception of our separation from everyone else breeds competition and urges us to indulge in a game of thrones, trying to reach physical and mental standards that we believe will make us better, smarter or more beautiful than our separate human counterparts. In time, what starts as a harmless infatuation becomes an obsession, and we develop long-term discriminating opinions and beliefs about what defines cleverness, beauty and worthiness. Particularly, the discriminating way through which beauty is portrayed and advertised in our society seems to be a scourge that runs our everyday reality. In the course of the last year I have come to realize that this judgmental categorization of beauty is most apparent in our relationships, especially romantic relationships.

As a result of the ways other people judged our appearance in our childhood, the way we’ve judged other people about theirs, and the media indoctrination we are being exposed to through ad campaigns on a daily basis, we have developed a very specific idea of what beauty is. Subconsciously, we project these ideas on our relationships to satisfy our ego’s “self”-esteem, and we end up sacrificing real intimacy for idolization. We put our lovers on pedestals and worship them for being so hot, handsome and educated, seeing our relationship as an achievement that sures up our worthiness and loveability. Therefore, we become needy and co-dependent, and sacrifice our authenticity to become the perfect match to our lover’s exceptional beauty.

Releasing Idol Projections

To identify the extent to which you have idolized your partner, or beauty in general, make a list of your beauty standards – the physical characteristics that you believe make up for an attractive person in the sex you are attracted to. Following that, make another list of all the things about your physical appearance that you don’t like. These may include traits that other people said were wrong about you, or your own self-inflicted insecurities about your appearance. If you compare the two lists you will most probably find out that your beauty standards come in contrast with what you believe is wrong or ugly about your own physical appearance.

Releasing your idol projections is a vital step to real intimacy and unconditional love towards your partner, but most importantly towards yourself. When you free yourself from the ego’s illusory idol projections, you will be liberated from the incessant need to please people in order to feel worthy, and you will instead bask in your truth and authenticity, knowing that you are beautiful and worthy just the way you are. You’ve already took the first step of doing so by identifying the ways your ego has been hindering your inborn beauty. To complete the process of awakening to your innate and authentic beauty, make a commitment to release judgment towards other people and yourself, and choose to see everyone’s uniqueness through the eyes of love.


  • BernardCharles

    OH this is a fun exercise! <3

    • And it is very enlightening as well. I had so many Aha! moments when I first tried it. I’m glad you liked it. 🙂 <3

  • To be honest, I feel that I see other people without judgement, for the most part, but have trouble with myself.

    I feel I SHOULD be further along in my goals, I SHOULD be better at this or that, I SHOULD be doing more. And I judge myself for not, although I don’t judge others for the same things. How does one let go of that worry? I feel I know what I need to do — let go of the judgement and the need for competition, perfection, etc. — I just don’t know how to do it.

    • Thank you for your comment. Self-judgment is a tricky thing to overcome, especially when we spend our whole lives judging ourselves and being judged by society. What works for me is mirror work. Try looking at yourself in the mirror and saying “I love you.” The mirror will reflect back to you all those things that you use to withhold your self-love. Doing this will out your judgments, and by outing them you get to heal them. It is a gradual process but it is a powerful one too. Remember that spiritual growth takes time, so take it one step at a time. Stick to this spiritual practice and trust that every day your judgment will be less and your self-love will be boosted.

      • Thank you so much for your response and for the encouragement. You are right, it is a process.